Objectives Edit

Hand out 3 Quests.

  • First Quest Dispensed
  • Second Quest Dispensed
  • Third Quest Dispensed

Provided item:

Description Edit

Come in here dear <boy/girl>, have a cigar. You're gonna go far and fly high as a ranking officer of the Forsaken. Yes, indeed, this is the good life and you are going to live it!

I want you to take these orders and dispense them to the lowly scrubs that come along looking for work. Who you give what to is wholly at your discretion.

When you're ready mount up on my trusty skeletal steed - so they don't miss you - and start living the life! Which means just stand there and wait.

Progress Edit

How's the "desk job" coming?

Completion Edit

So, how was it? Everything that you dreamed it would be? Exciting, no?


<Darthalia sighs.>

I can see that you're a true hero. You need action. I guess a "desk job" isn't for you.

Rewards Edit

You will be able to choose one of these rewards
Inv shield 11
[Portable Lap Desk]
Inv shoulder 15
[Quest Giver's Pauldrons]
Inv gauntlets 20
[Cue Cue Gloves]

Notes Edit

Mount the horse and start giving out quests.

High Executor Darthalia says: Stand tall and proud, <name>. Don't let any of these scrubs give you any trouble. Show them who's boss!
High Executor Darthalia says: I see one coming now! Looks like a real winner. Keep it cool, <name>. Keep it cool.
A level 19 character named Dumass walks in, saying everything in capital letters.
Dumass says: HI! HI! HELP!
Dumass says: HI! HI! HELP!

Gossipgossipicon Maybe you should go take a nap or something. I don't know if I have any work for you.


Gossipgossipicon Wait a minute. It looks like something just came up. Yes, right here on this sheet of paper. You need to head southeast to to the Azurelode Mine and report to Captain Keyton. Southeast is that way *you point southeast*.

High Executor Darthalia says: These new Forsaken tend to be a little... um... stupid. It usually takes awhile for them to acclimate.
High Executor Darthalia says: Oh great... not this one again. I know this orc. He's got no business being here, but since he's a bottom-feeding pansy he likes to hang around here and prey on the helpless. Don't let him bully you.
The level 80 Kingslayer Orkus <Red Like My Rage> flies in on his frost wyrm mount, fully equipped with tier 10 gear.
Kingslayer Orkus says: HAH! Looks like you're running out of idiots to put atop this horse, Darthalia. This is the puniest one yet.
Kingslayer Orkus says: What have you got for me today, weakling?! Point me to where the Alliance hide and I shall DOMINATE THEM!
"I have seen the fall of the Lich King. Creations of the titans have fallen before my mighty axe. When called upon, I alone spearheaded a victory for the Argent Crusade against the beasts of Northrend. Now, I come for the ultimate challenge. What does Hillsbrad Foothills have to offer Kingslayer Orkus???"

Gossipgossipicon Um... Apparently there are bloodthirsty worgen running rampant in the south. Maybe you could help with them?

"Bloodthirsty you say? Is there any risk of death or dismemberment to me?"

Gossipgossipicon None.

"Then Orkus WILL DO IT! YES!"

Gossipgossipicon Right, thanks. Just go ahead and head south. Far south. Probably off the coast.

Kingslayer Orkus says: Yes, cowardly quest giver, sit atop your pale horse while Orkus brings glory to the Horde! I shall return with a thousand skulls!
High Executor Darthalia says: Here's to hoping he never returns. Maybe he'll drown?
High Executor Darthalia says: Ah, crap. You're on your own with this one, <name>.
Johnny Awesome, a level 20 blood elf, rides in on a [Celestial Steed] and fully equipped with heirlooms.
Johnny Awesome says: Johnny Awesome has arrived, philistine. Present me with your menial tasks so that I may complete them with only mild enthusiasm and most likely a complete disregard for any directions that you provide that are more complicated than what my map is able to display.
"Look at me, peasant. Heirlooms cover my body from head to toe, gifted to me by the greatest heroes Azeroth has ever known.
Now look at yourself.
Quickly, look back at me.
Yes, this horse IS made of STARS.
What pointless series of tasks befitting a mentally deficient orc have you prepared for me?"

Gossipgossipicon Well, we are having some problems at the Sludge Fields, located northeast of here. Warden Stillwater could use your help.

"Fine, fine, what else?"

Gossipgossipicon That's all.

"That's all? One quest? Surely you jest. Are there not bear asses to collect? Perhaps a rare flower that I could pick from which you will make some mildly hallucinogenic tonic which you will then drink, resulting in visions of a great apocalypse? Perhaps the local populace of mildly annoying, ill-tempered gophers are acting up and need to be brought to justice? No? Nothing?"


Johnny Awesome says: I will do this ONE thing that you ask of me, quest giver. Pray I find more menial tasks to accomplish or you will be hearing from me again and I assure you that my commentary on forums of public opinion will be most unkind.

Trivia Edit

This quest has a number of pop culture references:

  • The quest name and the opening sentence of the quest refers to the songs "Welcome to the Machine" and "Have a Cigar" by Pink Floyd respectively.
  • The "Now look at yourself. Quickly, look back at me. Yes, this horse IS made of STARS." quote by Johnny Awesome is a reference to an Old Spice commercial.
  • "CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE LOK'TAR IS COOKIN'?!" is a reference to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson famous tagline of "Do you smell what the Rock is cookin'?"
  • The quest name might also suggest that Welcome to the Machine means, well, life for the NPCs who are quest-givers.
  • The NPCs, Dumass, Kingslayer Orkus, and Johnny Awesome also refers to some of the players on World of Warcraft who tend to role-play, be aggressive, or just plain dumb.

Quest progression Edit

  1. Horde 15 [20] Warchief's Command: Hillsbrad Foothills!
  2. Horde 15 [20] Welcome to the Machine
  3. Horde 15 [20] Trouble at Azurelode & Horde 15 [20] Glorious Harvest & Horde 15 [20] Past Their Prime
  4. Horde 15 [20] Human Infestation & Horde 15 [20] Thieving Little Monsters! & Horde 15 [20] Coastal Delicacies!
    Optional quest: Horde 15 [20] Deep Mine Rescue
  5. Horde 15 [21] Trouble at the Sludge Fields
  6. Horde 15 [21] No One Here Gets Out Alive
  7. Horde 15 [21] Discretion is Key & Horde 15 [21] For Science!
    Side quest: Horde 15 [21] The Battle for Hillsbrad, Horde 15 [21] Do the Right Thing
  8. Horde 15 [21] Little Girl Lost
  9. Horde 15 [21] Freedom for Lydon
  10. Horde 15 [21] Protocol & Horde 15 [21] Do it for Twinkles
  11. Horde 15 [21] Burnside Must Fall
  12. Horde 15 [21] A Blight Upon the Land
  13. Horde 15 [22] Trouble at Southshore
  14. Horde 15 [22] Studies in Lethality & Horde 15 [22] Green Living & Horde 15 [22] Helcular's Rod Giveth... & Horde 15 [22] Helcular's Command
    Side quest: Horde 15 [22] Angry Scrubbing Bubbles, Horde 15 [22] Trail of Filth
  15. Horde 15 [22] Can You Smell What the Lok'tar is Cooking?
  16. Horde 15 [22] *Gurgle* HELP! *Gurgle*
  17. Horde 15 [22] Stormpike Rendezvous
  18. Horde 15 [22] Kasha Will Fly Again
    Side quest: Horde 15 [22] Terrible Little Creatures
  19. Horde 15 [22] The Road to Purgation
  20. Horde 15 [23] They Will Never Expect This...
  21. Horde 15 [23] Heroes of the Horde!
  22. Horde 15 [23] Aid of the Frostwolf
  23. Horde 15 [23] Matters of Loyalty
  24. Horde 15 [23] March of the Stormpike
  25. Horde 15 [24] Breaking the Hand
    1. Horde 15 [24] Cry of the Banshee
    2. Horde 15 [24] Decimation
    3. Horde 15 [24] Infiltration & Horde 15 [24] Deception and Trickery
    4. Horde 15 [24] Domination
  26. Horde 15 [24] Stormpike Apocalypse

Patch changes Edit

External links Edit

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